The Sandman

Avenged Sevenfold "A Little Piece Of Heaven"

2011-09-05T17:07:00.004-05:00

Avenged Sevenfold
"A Little Piece Of Heaven"

Avenged Sevenfold - A Little Piece Of Heaven by Warner-Music Before the story begins, is it such a sin,
For me to take what's mine, until the end of time?
We were more than friends, before the story ends,
And I will take what's mine, create what
God would never design

Our love had been so strong for far too long,
I was weak with fear that
Something would go wrong,
Before the possibilities came true,
I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears,
(Hahahaha! )
Conjuring her deepest fears
(Come Here You Fucking Bitch! )

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can't believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy, eat it, eat it, eat it!

She was never this good in bed
Even when she was sleepin'
Now she's just so perfect I've
Never been quite so fucking deep in
It goes on, and on, and on,
I can keep you lookin' young and preserved forever,
With a fountain to spray on your youth whenever

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye.
And a word to the wise when the fire dies,
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime (yeah)
But baby don't cry

Now possibilities I'd never considered,
Are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard,
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave,
To repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

Must have stabbed him fifty fucking times
I can't believe it
Ripped his heart out right before his eyes
Eyes over easy
Eat it, eat it, eat it

Now that it's done I realize the error of my ways
I must venture back to apologize from somewhere far beyond the grave

I gotta make up for what I've done
'Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
While you burned in hell, no peace forever

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime (yeah)
But baby don't cry

I will suffer for so long
(What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you
(I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do
(Well then I'll grant you one chance)
And if it's not enough
(If it's not enough, If it's not enough)
If it's not enough
(Not enough)
Try again
(Try again)
And again
(And again)
Over and over again

We're coming back, coming back
We'll live forever, live forever
Let's have wedding, have a wedding
Let's start the killing, start the killing

Do you take this man in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(Yes, I do.)
Do you take this woman in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(I do)
I now pronounce you...

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime
Would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
And I know, I know it's not your time
But bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
You think it's over but it's just begun
But baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let's make a new start
'Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry Eminem "Love The Way You Lie"

SWB 6-23-11

2011-06-23T14:18:00.002-05:00

Swag Bucks are awarded for participating in the current Daily Poll only.

Do you ever skip ahead when you're reading a book? Submitted By Kory23, VA

I skip ahead to the end because I can't handle the suspense.
6%

I flip through a little bit.
13%

If a book starts to drag, I'll flip ahead to see if it gets better.
26%

I read my books start to finish without sneaking a peek.
39%

I only read nonfiction books so it doesn't matter.
2%

I don't really read books much.
12%

Poll from 6/22/2011
Which way do you face in the shower?
Away from the water, of course!
29%
Towards the water, obviously!
26%
I rotate in a circle.
38%
I take baths.
3%
Other.
1%

Previous Polls

Click on a date to see that day's poll.

June 2011

			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30

Poll Answered

Awarded Swag Bucks

SWB 6-22-11

2011-06-22T15:48:00.002-05:00

Swag Bucks are awarded for participating in the current Daily Poll only.

Which way do you face in the shower? Submitted By flydiscovery, AL

Away from the water, of course!
29%
Towards the water, obviously!
26%
I rotate in a circle.
39%
I take baths.
3%
Other.
2%

Poll from 6/21/2011

Do you mostly lose weight to change your appearance or be healthy?

To change my appearance.

24%

To be healthy.

17%

Both are truly equally important to me.

44%

I never try to lose weight..

11%

Other Reasons.

Previous Polls

Click on a date to see that day's poll.

June 2011

			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30

Poll Answered

Awarded Swag Bucks

SWB 6-21-11

2011-06-21T04:46:00.007-05:00

Swag Bucks are awarded for participating in the current Daily Poll only.

Do you mostly lose weight to change your appearance or be healthy? Submitted By sydneylovessugar, MN

To change my appearance.
23%

To be healthy.
18%

Both are truly equally important to me.
41%

I never try to lose weight.
13%

Other Reasons.
2%

Poll from 6/20/2011

Who gave the best performance as Bruce Wayne/Batman?

I haven't seen enough Batman to have an opinion.

36%

Adam West.

12%

Michael Keaton.

18%

Val Kilmer.

George Clooney.

Christian Bale.

20%

Previous Polls

Click on a date to see that day's poll.

June 2011

			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30

Poll Answered

Awarded Swag Bucks

SWB 6-20-11

2011-06-20T12:11:00.005-05:00

Swag Bucks are awarded for participating in the current Daily Poll only.

Who gave the best performance as Bruce Wayne/Batman? Submitted By wndy2010, IA

I haven't seen enough Batman to have an opinion.

36%

Adam West.

13%

Michael Keaton.

18%

Val Kilmer.

George Clooney.
5%

Christian Bale.

19%

Poll from 6/19/2011

What are you giving the dads in your life for Father's Day?

A tie.

Grilling utencils.

Something sports.

Tools.

Electronics.

Other/Nothing.

73%

Previous Polls

Click on a date to see that day's poll.

June 2011

			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30

Swag Bucks

2011-06-20T00:47:00.004-05:00

Poll from 6/16/2011

What is your least favorite household chore?

Dishes.
20%

Laundry.
14%

Dusting.
12%

Cleaning bathrooms.
36%

Windows.
8%

Other.
7%

Men & Hunting

2011-03-30T20:15:00.006-05:00

LMAO

2011-03-30T00:04:00.002-05:00

What did the left nut say to the right nut?

Whats that prick doing there!

Fighting Nuns

2011-03-29T22:39:00.001-05:00

http://cigamybab.blogspot.com

Fighting Nuns

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."

Eminem "Love The Way You Lie"

2010-08-07T15:11:00.007-05:00

Eminem
"Love The Way You Lie"

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Linkin Park Media Player

Abnormal

2010-05-25T03:26:00.001-05:00

Abnormal

To dream of abnormal things, indicates that you will soon come to a sound solution to problems that you have been preoccupied with in your mind. Anything appearing abnormal draws attention to that particular aspect. Something in your life may not be consistent with how you feel things should be.

Abject

2010-05-22T02:23:00.000-05:00

Abject

To dream of being abject, signifies financial changes. If the abjectness altered at some point in the dream, then the consequences will only be temporary. However, if during your dream, you respond amicably to an abject situation, then you will experience substantial financial benefits.

Abhorrence

2010-05-17T00:44:00.000-05:00

Abhorrence

To dream that you abhor a person, suggests your waking dislike for some person. You feel that this person has been acting in a less than honorable way.

To dream that you are being abhorred by others, symbolizes that your good intentions to others will subside into selfishness.

Abduction

Linkin Park Media Player

2010-05-13T02:11:00.002-05:00

Linkin Park
Media Player

LinkinPark
Music Videos

METRIC "Help I'm Alive lyrics"

Abduction

2010-05-11T07:45:00.001-05:00

Abduction

To dream of being abducted, indicates that you are being controlled by your circumstances or by someone.

To dream about witnessing an abduction, foretells of unexpected news.

Abdomen

2010-05-05T23:40:00.001-05:00

Abdomen

To see your abdomen in a dream, refers to your natural instincts and repressed emotions. There is something in your real life that you "cannot stomach" or have difficulties accepting. You need to get it out of your system. Alternatively, the abdomen may be strictly physiological and you may just be experiencing constipation or indigestion.

To dream that you abdomen is exposed, signifies trust and vulnerability. You may be expressing a desire to express your primal emotions/instincts.

To dream that your abdomen is swollen, indicates that some new project is in the works.

Abbot

2010-05-03T01:54:00.001-05:00

Abbot

To see an abbot in your dream, suggests that someone has power over you and are making you do things that you do not necessarily want to do. Alternatively, you are feeling confined or restricted. You will experience many obstacles and setback before achieving success and prestige.

Abbey

METRIC "Help I'm Alive lyrics"

2010-04-20T15:25:00.003-05:00

METRIC
"Help I'm Alive lyrics"

I tremble, they're gonna eat me alive
If I stumble they're gonna eat me alive
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

If you're still alive my regrets are few
If my life is mine what shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing and my heart's still
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

If you're still alive my regrets are few
If my life is mine what shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need

While my blood's still flowing and my heart's still beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

I tremble, they're gonna eat me alive
If I stumble they're gonna eat me alive
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer

Rodney Carrington "Dear Penis"

Abbey

2010-03-16T00:08:00.001-05:00

Abbey

To see an abbey in your dream, signifies spirituality, peace of mind and freedom from anxiety. You are in a state of contentment and satisfaction. Help for you is always around the corner.

To see an abbey in ruins, foretells that your hopes and schemes will fall into failure and incompletion.

Rodney Carrington "Dear Penis"

2010-02-03T17:12:00.000-06:00

Rodney Carrington
"Dear Penis"

Dear Penis,
I don't think I like you anymore,
You used to watch me shave,
Now all u do is stare at the floor.
Oh dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.

It used to be u and me,
A paper towel, and a dirty magazine,
That's all we needed to get by.
Now it seems things have changed,
I think that your the one to blame.
Dear Penis,
I don't like u anymore.

Now he sings,

Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like u anymore,
'Cause when u get to drinkin'
You put me places I've never been before.
Dear Rodney,
I don't like u anymore.

Why can't we just get a grip,
On our man to hand relationship.
Come to terms with truly how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever,
Dear Penis,
I think I like you after all.

Oh and Rodney,
While yer shavin',
Shave my balls

Linkin Park "My December"

Slip of the tongue

2010-01-30T05:46:00.001-06:00

Slip of the tongue

What does eating pussy and the mafia have in common?

One slip of the tongue and your in deep shit!

Soft and Hard

2009-12-20T00:28:00.000-06:00

Soft and Hard

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They
are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

How SEX starts

A

2009-12-18T03:47:00.004-06:00

To see the letter "A" in your dream, represents superiority or beginnings. You are moving on to something new and grand. Alternatively, it may indicate the name or initial of a person.

Tornado

Linkin Park "My December"

2009-12-17T05:32:00.001-06:00

Linkin Park
"My December"

This is my December, this is my time of the year
This is my December, this is all so clear
This is my December, this is my snow covered home
This is my December, this is me alone

And I
(Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed)
And I
(Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)

And I
(Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed)
And I
(Take back all the things that I said to you)

And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December
These are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
(Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed)
And I
(Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)

And I
(Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed)
And I
(Take back all the things that I said to you)

And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Tool "The Pot"

How SEX starts

2009-12-03T05:28:00.000-06:00

How SEX starts

A smile leads to a laugh ...a laugh leads to a high 5 ...a high 5 leads to a hug ...a hug leads to a kiss ...a kiss leads 2 makeout ...a makeout leads 2 finger ...a finger leads to a hand ...a hand leads to a lick ...a lick leads to a suck ...a suck leads 2 a fuck. ...So tell me how many people are you gonna smile at after you heard this cuz sex is like math. ...u add the bed ..subtract the clothes ...divide the legs ...leave your solution ...and pray you dont multiply

The Three Wishes

Tornado

2009-12-02T17:29:00.002-06:00

Tornado

To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive?

To dream that you are in a tornado, signifies that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications.

To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship.

(See Armageddon)

Topaz

Tool "The Pot"

2009-12-01T06:53:00.002-06:00

TOOL

"The Pot"

Who are you to wave your finger?
Ya' must have been out your head.
Eye hole deep in muddy waters.
You practically raised the dead.

Rob the grave, to snow the cradle.
Then burn the evidence down.
Soapbox, house of cards, and glass,
So don't go tossin' your stones around.

You must have been high.
You must have been high.
You must have been.

Foot in mouth, and head up asshole.
Whatcha talkin' 'bout?
Difficult to dance 'round this one
'Til you pull it out, boy!

You must have been, so high.
You must have been, so high.

Steal, borrow, refer, save your shady inference.
Kangaroo done hung the juror with the innocent.

Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
Got lemon juice up in your... EYE!

When you pissed all over my black kettle
You must have been HIGH, HIGH
You must have been HIGH, HIGH

Who are you to wave your finger?
So full of it.
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Fuckin' hypocrite.

Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me.
What's the difference?

Kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent.

NOW!
You'll weep or, change the cozened indigo.
Got lemon juice up in your high eye.
When you pissed all over my black kettle
You musta been!

So who are you to wave your finger?
Who are you to wave your fatty fingers at me?
You must, have been, out your, mind!

Weepin' shades of indigo
Shed without a reason
Weepin' shades of indigo

Liar, lawyer,
Mirror for ya,
What's the difference?
Kangaroo be stoned
He's guilty as the government

NOW!
Will you weep or, change the cozened indigo
Got lemon juice up in your, EYE!
EYE!

Now when you pissed all over my black kettle.
You musta been HIGH, HIGH, HIGH, HIGH.
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Your balls deep in muddy waters.
Ganja, please, you must have been out your MIND!

12 Stones "World So Cold"

12 Stones "World So Cold"

2009-11-30T04:19:00.025-06:00

12 Stones

"World So Cold"

It starts with pain
Followed by hate
Fueled by the endless questions
No one can answer
A stain
Covers your heart
Tears you apart just like a sleeping cancer

Now I don't believe men are born to be killers
I don't believe this world can't be saved
How did you get here and when did it start
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart

What kind of world to we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Losing control of our feelings
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold

Are you sane? Where's the shame
A moment of time passes by
You cannot rewind
Who's blame and where did it start
Is there a cure for your sickness, have you no heart?

Now I don't believe men are born killers
I don't believe the world can't be saved
How did you get here and when did it start
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart

What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Losing control of our feeling
We're dreaming this life away

What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Selling our souls for no reason
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold

There's a sickness inside you that wants to escape
It's a feeling you get when you can't find your way
So how many times must you fall to your knees
Never, never, never, never, never do this again

It starts with pain followed by hate
Now I don't believe men are born to be killers
And I don't believe this world can't be saved

What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Losing control of our feelings
We're dreaming this life away

What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Selling our souls for no reason
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold

In a world so cold ...

The Assumption

The Assumption

2009-11-29T21:37:00.013-06:00

The Assumption

I'm Too Sexy

The Three Wishes

2009-11-28T06:48:00.003-06:00

The Three Wishes

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front
porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy
godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be
granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really
rich."

** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful
princess."

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of
them.

"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than
anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak,
he saunters across the porch in his catlike way and whispers in her
ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered, aren't you?"

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Topaz

2009-11-24T16:36:00.002-06:00

Topaz

Topaz is the crystal of spiritual wisdom and intuition. Often, it is found in dreams of problem-solving concerning interpersonal relationships.

Time Travel

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

2009-11-24T08:08:00.002-06:00

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers:
simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM. So be brief with people.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day:

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

The Number 11

The Number 11

2009-11-20T23:30:00.002-06:00

The Number 11

Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.

If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it's actually very interesting!!

This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.

2 + 5 + 4 = 11

2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.

3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.

Unconvinced about all of this still ..?

Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS........

What do you think now????

True love

True love

2009-11-18T19:55:00.003-06:00

True love

Three men were drinking at a bar a doctor, an attorney
and a biker.

As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.

This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."

As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.

This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator.

This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

I HAD A BAD DAY

I HAD A BAD DAY

2009-11-15T01:39:00.003-06:00

I HAD A BAD DAY

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.

The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died.

The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.

So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, and promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."

"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair.

I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him.

So today I was going to come home too and catch them.

Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy.

My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

But, damn it, I couldn't find him!

Just as I was going to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!

The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me!

Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.

But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.

This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.

Oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator.

I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side.

It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The angel sat back and though for a moment.

Technically, the guy did have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."

"Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this.

I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side!

Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine.

When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers!

Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"

The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.

"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.

"Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate.

"Tell me about the day you died," said the angel.

"OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a Refrigerator......."

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th Fun

2009-11-13T19:19:00.003-06:00

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th. We mark the occasion with "Little Known Scary Stuff That Occurred on Friday the 13th:

On Friday the 13th, 1979, a black cat crossed the path of Houston football player Tony Frisch and was accidentally kicked 67 yards for a world record.

On Friday the 13th in 1962 a Colorado couple, while watching Channel 13 in the honeymoon suite of a Las Vegas motel, were crushed to death by a falling mirror.

On Friday the 13th in 1957 a duck hunter, wearing a rabbit's foot around his neck while hunting near 12-Gauge, Texas, was kicked to death by a giant 3-legged jack rabbit.

On Friday the 13th in 1966 a Detroit sociologist, who had just demonstrated his lack of fear by walking under 13 ladders and throwing a black cat through a mirror, was run over by a limousine driven by blind soul singer.

Today is Friday the 13th, unluckiest day of the year, so don’t take any unnecessary chances:

Do not tell National Rifle Klan jokes at the Militia Expo.
Do not offer to give away your Beanie Baby at a soccer mom’s convention.
Do not invest heavily in a product called Howard Stern’s Ultra-Hold Flea Spray.
Do not give Sammy "The Bull" Gravano a lecture on family values.
If you’re going out for Chinese, do not order the black-cat soup.
Do not tell doctor jokes during your prostate exam.

Important things to remember on Friday the 13th:

Never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.

Never walk under a mirror or break a black cat.

4-leaf clovers are lucky today -- but not if you smoke them.

The number "13" is very unlucky--especially if it's the only one you can get on the drugstore blood pressure machine.
bullet

It is very unlucky today if a black crosses your path or gets flushed down your toilet.

Walking under a ladder can be very unlucky today -- especially if it's at the drugstore the 16-year-old with zits is climbing down with a barbecue grill.

Stepping on a cricket can very extremely unlucky today -- especially for the cricket.

Wearing garlic around your neck today will ward off evil spirits. It will also ward off good spirits, indifferent spirits, and any other spirits with noses.

A rabbit's foot is not lucky. If you don't believe me, ask the rabbit.

Wearing a lucky penny between your toes means good luck and blisters.

For good luck, hang a horseshoe over your front door. For really good luck, hang the entire horse over your front door.

Step on a crack, break your mother's back. But don't worry about it. After rearing you, mom probably would enjoy traction.

Horseshoes usually bring good luck today, but never trust a horse that wears high heels.

If you think walking under a step-ladder is unlucky, try walking under your step-mother.

A rabbit's foot can be lucky, unless the rabbit sets foot in your garden, in which case he'll probably eat your stringbeans.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill

2009-11-12T23:39:00.002-06:00

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get so dick and ass, Jack came down with one big frown, cause Jill had dick in ass!

Stepping on Bubbles

Stepping on Bubbles

2009-11-11T17:22:00.004-06:00

Stepping on Bubbles

Three ducks went into court. The judge called the first one to the stand.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Quack." the duck answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was stepping on bubbles." he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the duck and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Quack," the duck answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was stepping on bubbles." the duck replied.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, so he called up the next duck.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess, Quack." he said.

"No," said the duck, "My name is Bubbles."

Pickup Lines

Pickup Lines

2009-11-06T12:53:00.003-06:00

Pickup Lines

These pick up lines are so nasty, they're insults...

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I like every bone in your body especially mine.

How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?

Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?

Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?

Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.

Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.

Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.

If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

If you were a car door I would slam you all night long

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.

How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out

Baby, I'd run a mile for your vertical smile. Nice shirt.... wanna fuck?

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

Can I have fries with that shake!

I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U.

You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache.

Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?

If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

Hi, I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?

Pardon my is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.

Do you know CPR because you take my breath away.

Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.

My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!

I'd look good on you.

When does your centerfold come out.

So do ya wanna see something really swell?

I've seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?

I've got the hot dog and you got the buns.

Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.

Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?

I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.

You have nice legs. What time do they open?

Do you like Subway? How about my foot long?

Hey that dress looks nice. Can I talk you out of it.

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd just love to tap that ass!

Are those pants from outer space? Cause that ass is out of this world.

You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.

Is your dad a terrorist? Because your the bomb!

Are you a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you.

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?

Crude Sex Jokes X

Crude Sex Jokes X

2009-11-05T11:58:00.002-06:00

Crude Sex Jokes X

Q. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
A. Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

Q. How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
A. When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

Q. What's a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads.

Q. What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
A. The Hanger.

Q. What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A. Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.

Q. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A. A tearjerker.

Q. What's the difference between medium and rare?
A. 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q. How is a woman like a road?
A. Both have manholes.

Q. What's the the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.

Q. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A. A scrotum pole!

Crude Sex Jokes IX

Crude Sex Jokes IX

2009-11-04T06:16:00.003-06:00

Crude Sex Jokes IX

Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.

Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room

Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.

Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.

Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.

Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.

Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.

Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q. Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A. They exchanged loads.

Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!

Q. Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!

Q. Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A. You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
A. I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline

Q. What's worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
A. One dead baby nailed to 10 trees

Q. What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
A. I don't have a Porsche in my garage

Q. Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
A. They kept trying each other.

Q. What's the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A. A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!

Q. why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A. To see her crack

Q. What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
A. Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.

Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry.

Q. Why was Tigger's head in the toilet?
A. He was looking for pooh!

Q. What did one tit say to the other?
A. I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
A. He is usually home with the kids!

Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
A. They couldn't close his casket.

Q. Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
A. The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

Q. What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A. Dicktator

Q. How do you make a snooker table laugh.
A. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

Q. What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common?
A. They both want to get there before the 'hair' does.

Crude Sex Jokes VIII

Crude Sex Jokes VIII

2009-11-03T05:23:00.003-06:00

Crude Sex Jokes VIII

Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit

Q. How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.

Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.

Q. What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once!

Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!

Q. What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
A. Depends!

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to use it.

Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.

Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.

Q. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God's gift?
A. Exchange him.

Q. What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he's getting ready to fuck has genital warts?
A. "Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow the head out.

Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
A. Strip Poker

Q. What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
A. The aids team.

Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.

Q. What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.

Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt

Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!

Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs

Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

Q. If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
A. It's you, you fucking idiot!

Q. What's the difference between big foot and your mom?
A. Your mom is better in bed.

Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

Q. Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Q. What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A. A cock that stays up all night.

Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumor

Crude Sex Jokes VII

Time Travel

2009-11-02T10:46:00.003-06:00

Time TravelTime travel is a common dream event. There is rarely a time machine involved. Rather, the dream story simply unfolds in another era of time, past or future. These dreams often represent either the romance or hopes we attribute to moments other than our present. You may find that the dream stems from your desire to identify with particular mores of a time period or to influence certain events.

If you spontaneously dream of going backwards in time, it is most likely a dream of romantic wish-fulfillment. The "good old days" seem to conjure images of heroism, nobility, morality, and social life that, while not altogether accurate, draw our admiration. Often there is a facet of your personality that you feel you could more easily tap into as a pioneer, statesman, damsel in distress, or some other stereotypical image of history.

Most times, the time travel is confluent with your particular image of an archetypal dream character. For example, if you are dreaming a warrior/hero archetype, you may personify yourself in the dream as a medieval knight.

Tidal Wave

Crude Sex Jokes VII

2009-11-02T09:54:00.003-06:00

Crude Sex Jokes VII

Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!

Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
A. He got the sack.

Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
A. He's down to four butts a day.

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!

Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".

Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.

Q. Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A. They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

Q. What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A. They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.

Q. Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 30% were sucked into it.

Q. Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."

Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ass.

Q. How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A. The hero always gets his man in the end.

Q. How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A. All the good guys are hung.

Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.

Q. Did you hear about the two gay judges?
A. They tried each other.

Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.

Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?
A. Cows survive the branding.

Q. What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A. A wet nose.

Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.

Q. What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A. Gonorrhoea.

Q. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A. It's for the Christmas period.

Q. How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A. The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
A. When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Q. How can you tell she's a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Q. Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
A. They hid their own eggs!

Q. What's the hottest thing in the world?
A. Two rats fucking in a wool sock.

Q. What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
A. Hit either one of them and you're grounded.

Q. What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
A. Playtex.

Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A. Beef strokin' off.

Q. What's female Viagra?
A. Jewellery

Q. What do you call an anorexic prostitute?
A. Lite & Easy

Q. Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Q. What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
A. Nothing, they both suck!

Q. Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
A. They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.

Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.

Crude Sex Jokes VI

Crude Sex Jokes VI

2009-10-31T05:25:00.004-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes VI

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.

Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.

Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.

Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.

Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.

Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.

Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn video?
A. The porn video has better music!

Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want!

Crude Sex Jokes V

Crude Sex Jokes V

2009-10-29T04:41:00.005-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes V
Q&A

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.

Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?

Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.

Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!

Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.

Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.

Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.

Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.

Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.

Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!

Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Crude Sex Jokes IV

Crude Sex Jokes IV

2009-10-28T03:02:00.003-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes IV
Q&A

Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!

Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!

Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Mï¿½nage ï¿½ twat.

Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
A. Speed bumps.

Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.

Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.

Q. Where do fags park?
A. In the rear.

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!

Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.

Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.

Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.

Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!

Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
A. They just kinda lay there.

Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"

Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.

Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.

Q. Hey, what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord

Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.

Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.

Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.

Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie

Crude Sex Jokes III

Crude Sex Jokes III

2009-10-27T10:13:00.003-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes III
Q&A

Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!

Q. Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.

Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.

Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.

Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.

Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

Q. How do you fuck a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.

Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.

Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick

Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.

Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!

Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.

Crude Sex Jokes II

Crude Sex Jokes II

2009-10-26T06:48:00.002-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes II
Q&A

Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.

Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don't stop for directions.

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A. Marry it.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.

Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A. Fur traders.

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.

Q. Whatï¿½s better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.

Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy

Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.

Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...

Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged

Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They're going to call her Old Spice.

Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynaecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"

Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri

Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don't look down.

Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?
A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.

Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo

Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning Girls

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Q. Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It works by changing your blood type!!

Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A. Toys for Twats

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
A. None It should be open when she brings it to you

Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
A. The grip!

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle whip.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A. They have cotton balls

Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?
A. You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.

Q. How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
A. When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Crude Sex Jokes I

Crude Sex Jokes I

2009-10-24T13:15:00.007-05:00

Crude Sex Jokes I
Q&A

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Dirty jokes

Tidal Wave

2009-10-17T02:41:00.004-05:00

Tidal WaveDreams of impending disaster generally indicate that the dreamer is feeling out of control. In the case of the tidal wave, this out-of-control feeling is often combined with the need to make a fresh start.

A 16-year-old boy reports dreaming: I am running, trying to get away from a tidal wave before it crashes over me. Finally, I realize it is hopeless. I turn around and let the full impact of the wave crash over me. Remarkably I stand up in spite of the wave's power. When I turn back to the direction I was running, everything -- my house, my parents, my car -- it's all gone.

This youth presented numerous complaints at the outset of counseling, all of which revolved around home life and the absence of his father. Upon further inquiry, the youth admitted that he was a drug abuser with sexual identity problems. He desperately wanted a second chance, feeling as though he had undermined his own life.

Often to dream of a catastrophic event is to wish for a catharsis in real life.

See Armageddon

Thunder

Thunder

2009-10-04T04:01:00.003-05:00

ThunderSound effects in dreams work much like movie soundtracks. Thunder in dreams may occur in scenes that otherwise preclude any storminess or threatening weather. When this happens, there is often psychological anxiety that things in the dream may not be as pleasant as they seem. This dream may occur if your relationships in the dream would have devastating consequences in waking life.

Temple

Temple

2009-09-24T23:41:00.002-05:00

TempleTemples and spiritual dwellings are common in dreams. This is because many dreams include events of cleansing, preparation, moral judgment, or divine communication. Often times, these dreams occur at times in your life when inner peace is elusive and sought after.

Often, such dreams involve strangers as temple ministers or priests. These ministers will often give clues about what type of temple service is needed and what area of your life is to be effected. They may be presented as all older than you, all of one particular gender, or dressed in particular ways.

If ministers and priests are absent from the temple, that could indicate an inner journey or struggle that needs resolution, versus the outer moral choices illustrated above.

Telephone

Dirty jokes

2009-09-24T03:40:00.004-05:00

Dirty jokes

1 A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

2 As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

3 One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

4 The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

5 How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

6 There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

7 A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

8 There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

9 This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - that's why I am here!"
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".

Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes

2009-09-17T15:08:00.002-05:00

Blonde Jokes

1 Three blondes are walking through the forest.
They come upon some tracks.
The first blonde says "They're deer tracks."
The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."
The third blonde says "They're moose tracks."
Then a train hits them.

2 Two blondes lock thier keys in the car.
One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!
" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

3 There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up.
She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."

4 Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

5 What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing. They have never met.

6 A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.
The blonde replied, "What for?
Are you going to set it on fire!"

7 A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks, "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

8 A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, "How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?"
"Um, just a minute, if you please," he murmured.
Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, "Thank you," as the phone went dead.

9 Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Yo mama jokes

Yo mamma jokes

2009-09-16T17:47:00.004-05:00

Yo mama jokes

01 Yo mama is so ugly, her nickname is hairy pooter.
02 Yo mama is so ugly, she uses a line of makeup called "Why Bother".
03 Yo mama is so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the crap out of the toilet.
04 Yo mama is so greasy, she sweats Crisco.
05 Yo mama is so greasy, she sweats butter and syrup and has a full time job at Denny's wiping pancakes across her forehead.
06 Yo mama is so greasy, she squeezes Crisco from her hair to bake cookies.
07 Yo mama's so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
08 Yo mama's so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
09 Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
10 Yo momma so fat..she even carried a spoon to the SUPER BOWL.
11 Your momma's so fat, once she jumped in the water, everyone ran out yelling, "Tsunami!"
12 Your mommas so fat she plays pool with the planets.
13 Yo momma is so fat she sat down on the bench and her fart went off like a gun shot!
14 Yo mommas so fat she took her pants to the dry cleaners and the lady said,"we don't do curtains".
15 Your mommas so fat she was wearing a yellow shirt and the kids thought she was a school bus!
16 Yo mama is like a big mack, fat, juizy, and only worth a buck.
17 Yo momma is so fat that when she turns her head, her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
18 Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
19 Yo mama so fat when she turn around it's her birthday
20 Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
21 Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
22 Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
23 Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
24 Yo mama so fat you have ta roll over twice to get off her...
25 Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for then new world
26 Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

As I lay on my bed

Telephone

2009-09-14T02:01:00.004-05:00

TelephoneThe telephone often appears in dreams as a link between you and other dream characters who are physically inaccessible, but influential on the dream outcome. Many times, you will know who is on the other end of the phone before you pick it up to speak in your dream. The way you connect yourself to others with the dream phone is important. To whom is also important. The phone is often called "the next best thing to being there." Consequently, using the phone in your dream indicates that while a person is influential in you life, they are not as connected with you as perhaps they could be or you would like them to be.

Teeth

Teeth

2009-08-23T03:31:00.003-05:00

TeethDreams about teeth and losing teeth are common. Often the dream is troubling, although it does not contain the same fear or anxiety as a nightmare. In the dream, the teeth often are a concern only to the dreamer. Other characters in the dream either do not notice, or do not care, about the loose teeth.

A 19-year-old woman reports: I am in the bedroom combing my hair. A guy comes in and asks me if I am in a relationship. I say no. Then, he asks me out on a date. I say yes. He is about to kiss me and I ask him to hold that thought for a second. I go to freshen up a bit. When I wipe my mouth, my teeth begin falling out! Every one I touch falls out. No bleeding, just empty spaces in my mouth. I go back out of the bathroom, concerned, but the guy doesn't notice. Meanwhile, I'm a wreck.

In waking life, the woman reports feeling conflicted about ending a relationship with a man. She would like to renew it. Potential embarrassment is preventing her from doing so.

Dreams of losing teeth are often dreams of embarrassment or potentially embarrassing situations. The parallel waking experience could be summed up in the phrase "losing face" publicly.

Other possible teeth-loss dreams may come from physical sensations such as grinding your teeth or having particularly sensitive teeth.

Do your teeth get knocked out or do they fall out for no apparent reason?

Tarot Cards

Tarot Cards

2009-08-21T21:49:00.003-05:00

Tarot CardsTarot cards have recently received renewed popularity. Often times, dreaming about a psychic reading indicates a desire for a third party to illuminate and validate some big decision(s) you are facing. A contrasting possibility is that you feel as though your decisions are not important and your life is in the hands of fate, outside your personal control. Whether or not you subscribe to psychic practices in waking life is the most important element of discerning the meaning of this dream event.

Taboo

Taboo

2009-08-17T19:48:00.004-05:00

TabooOne very unusual thing about dreaming is that almost any object, person, or association can seem to project a taboo power. This taboo may be either negative or positive.

A taboo is something that contains intrinsic, potentially dangerous power that may be conjured and directed against oneself or another.

Generally, the object, person, or association is representative of a moral wrong. Guns, for example, may carry a sense of taboo power. So may some magical dream objects. Occasionally, a very common object may have taboo power in your dream because of some experience you have had with it in your waking life.

Many times, the taboo power does not exist in an object, but in a relationship transaction that violates a moral code (such as incest, marital infidelity, or theft). Others times, the symbol of taboo is something shrouded, such as a stranger that you instinctively knew not to mess with. All of these are taboo representations.

The key to dream interpretation is to discover why your particular taboo experience was revealed through the particular object or person in question. Dreams often have a peculiar rationale in their storylines. It is a product of childhood memory organization being overlaid with adult reasoning and moral subtlety. Sometimes, the moral subtlety of adulthood is tempered in dreaming by the absolute right and wrong of childhood. Consequently, taboo imagery can crop up almost anywhere in dream life.

These taboo moments should be treated with importance. Many times, our most self-destructive emotional or relationship patterns are seen most clearly in dreams. Your mind may be trying to warn you, through taboo images, to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over.

Story

Story

2009-08-15T05:31:00.003-05:00

StoryIf you see yourself as hearing or acting in a story, you probably have the feeling that others are controlling your life and making choices for you. While the narrator of the story is probably unknown to you, he or she represents the person controlling your life. If you feel that you are the narrator watching yourself in a story, this may indicate uncertainty about the choices you are currently making in your life. You are wanting to test them without consequence before acting on them in waking reality.

Statues

Statues

2009-08-12T06:34:00.003-05:00

StatuesDreams of statues are fascinating. Whether you stumble across the statues, create them, or become one yourself, dreams of statuary can be challenging to interpret, but offer great insight in return for the effort..If you discover statues randomly, note the kinds of figures they are and the emotions they conjure for you. This type of dream may be a version of the "skeleton in the closet" dream. The statues may also be mythological or spiritual icons.

Another statue scenario is the dreamer making a statue. In these dreams, the statue often represents someone you know (or some facet of your own personality) whom you wish to control or contain. This dream may be signaling a memory that needs to be brought out in the open for resolution.

The dream of being a statue often finds its inspiration in the phenomenon of sleep paralysis. Since we cannot move large muscle groups while dreaming, our brains assume we have become statue-like. In dream logic, it makes perfect sense. Being aware of yourself trapped in a statue often reflects that another is wielding excessive control over you.

Subway Station

Subway Station

2009-08-10T16:49:00.003-05:00

Subway StationBeing at the terminal of a transportation system (such as the subway) often indicates choices. Places of commotion and confusion often appear in dreams when choices are being confronted in life. Many times, the dream experience is a good place to test various choices with a more open mind than the waking world permits.

The initial question to ask about the subway station is: Do you have the means to ride any train, only some of the trains, or none of the trains?

Who is with you in the subway? Are they deciding which train to ride or are you leading them through the station?

Team Sports

Team Sports

2009-08-10T04:27:00.002-05:00

Team SportsTeam sports are prevalent in our world and seem to be increasing in popularity and diversity. Dreams of team sports include the dreamer as observer, player, or coach. Many times, it's a dream of wish-fulfillment -- just wanting to be a sports legend. However, it the coaches and other players seem very familiar to you, or are actually people from facets of your waking life, the dream has more to say.

Most times, the dream is about participation and connectedness to the common goals held by others in your life.

"Being a team player" and "getting with the program" are emphasized often in work and family these days. Whichever of the three roles you most identify with determines your self-awareness within the team sport.

Observing from the audience may indicate that you are feeling "off the team" or outside the action. Observing as a player who does not enter the game indicates that you feel others are ambivalent about your skills, or you yourself may be so.

Being a player shows your willingness to participate in the game. If you have too many roles on the team or do the work of several players, it may be that you are feeling as though people expect too much from you.

Finally, being the coach is a position of leadership, control, and decision-maker for the success of others. In this case, determining how the team did is important to appreciating the message of this dream.

Sphinx

Sphinx

2009-08-07T20:51:00.003-05:00

SphinxThe Sphinx is an ancient Egyptian statue with the body of a lion and the head of a man. Throughout the ages it has been known as a bearer of power and mystery.

Dreams concerning the sphinx are mystery/wisdom dreams. These types of dreams may occur when there is an impasse in your waking life. Note the concurrent images in your dream and consider their relation to a difficult decision that has to be made in your life.

Space Travel

Space Travel

2009-08-07T20:33:00.003-05:00

Space TravelAs shuttle flights and space stations become a part of our modern vocabulary, space travel becomes more accessible.

Consequently, dreams of it also are more common. This sort of dream is often simple wish-fulfillment-a desire to see the world from a different perspective. However, it can also be a dream of escape, travel or search. The purpose of the travel is obviously the key to resolving the dream. Another potential scenario for meaning concerns the mode of travel. Are you in a spaceship, or in something more familiar (like your car)?

Dreaming of space travel is a very exploratory opportunity. It can also mean that you are lost or are groping for something in a vast vacuum.

Did you want to be in outer space in your dream or did you simply find yourself there? Did you feel safe being there?

Snake

Snake

2009-08-07T20:15:00.003-05:00

SnakeThe snake is a difficult dream symbol because it is so widely interpreted among various cultures. Interpretations run the gamut from blood-curdling fear to wisdom and peace. These options are determined by literary history and folklore from different cultures, as well as personal experience.

.In waking life, it is not uncommon to be afraid of snakes. For some people, this fear is disruptive and pathological, even to the point that a photo of a snake represents an oppressive threat. For these people, snake dreams are almost universally bad. If the dream includes someone who handles snakes, whoever tames the object of the fear is likely a source of wisdom and control in the dreamer's world, and may be a representation of some aspect of themselves or someone else they know.

.Among Asian and Native American cultures, the snake is a wisdom symbol. The idea of wisdom comes from the snake's ability to shed its skin and renew itself. If one dreams of snakes from this perspective, it is a dream of renewal, problem-solving, and good tidings in general.

In Judeo-Christian cultures, the snake is a symbol of temptation or spiritual opposition against reaching one's goals. This concept is derived from Bible when Satan tempts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden in the form of a snake. Sometimes, a snake dreamt in this context will remind you of a particular person in your waking life with whom you have a competitive relationship.

Finally, Freud and classical psychotherapy have also thrown interpretations into this "pit." The contention is that the snake is a type of phallus. The snake often embodies fear about intercourse and an aversion to it.

Coming up with an insightful interpretation for your dream snake could be tricky. What emotions are prevalent regarding the snake: fear, respect, or opposition?

What is your attitude about snakes in waking life: neutral, fearful, or friendly?

Did the snake appear when you were alone or were others with you when the snake entered the dream scene? What are your feelings about those others?

Answering these questions should lead towards a productive interpretation of the snake dream.

Wrinkled Skin

Wrinkled Skin

2009-08-05T12:08:00.003-05:00

Wrinkled SkinAccording to African legend, death entered the world in the following way: Long ago, people were able to shed their skins, like a snake. Everyone did this and lived forever, renewing their youth. One time, a woman forgot that she should do this and put her old skin back on, and death came into the world.

Dreams of wrinkled skin may be troubling because they create images of age and death. You may feel as though you are wasting your time in waking life and your subconscious is reminding you that life is short. Another version of the wrinkled skin dream is accelerated aging, where your skin seems to visibly shrink or wrinkle in minutes. This dream may be revealing how you feel about your progress towards your life goals. You aren't getting any younger, after all.

These dreams can be troubling, but should not be. Dreams of this nature often are your mind's way of saying, "Hey, it's time for something new," and encouraging you to take steps in a new direction. Turn in your old hat for a new one. Are you resisting the maturing process at some level? Do you feel as though others are preventing you from attaining the stature or wisdom of your age? Are you experiencing a rebirth or removal of "old" limitations?

Skills

Skills

2009-08-04T12:05:00.007-05:00

Skills
At critical times in dreams, your faculties may become enhanced or limited. These include mental, as well as physical faculties. Suddenly, you find a great wealth of knowledge to resolve a problem, or acquire a skill to do so. Other times, you suddenly lose certain abilities.

Acquiring

The amazing thing about acquiring knowledge is that it is generated in your own mind in the dream. If upon waking the process used to solve the dream problem was logical, you may want to contemplate problems in your waking life that resemble the dream problem. Your mind may be accessing problem-solving skills that you have already eliminated from consideration, or never thought of in the first place.

What was the nature of the skills you received? Were they logical, practical, or completely impossible to translate into waking life?

Losing

Of course, you may forget something or lose some faculty just as easily. In dreams of this nature, your insecurity about appearing incompetent is working its way through your awareness. In the physical realm, the loss of ability might be sudden weakness or loss of a sensory perception such as sight, speech, or hearing. Sudden weakness may result from actual body awareness in dreaming, as sleep paralysis affects motor abilities during the REM state.

Dreams concerning the loss of other physical skills, such as operating a car, throwing an object, or performing a job-related task may reflect a loss of memory or oversight of a particular detail concerning a problem plaguing the waking life.

Who is with you when the skill evaporates? What are you trying to accomplish?

How does this event correspond to your waking life?

Skeleton

Skeleton

2009-07-30T01:31:00.002-05:00

SkeletonThe skeleton is a universal symbol of depletion, death, and secrets. Likewise, in dreams, it can appear in a variety of ways and reveal a variety of things. To discern an appropriate meaning requires examination of the context, and your reaction to the skeleton in the context it appeared.

The depletion scenario often occurs when skeletons are animated-their somewhat taunting presence will seem to exasperate you. Where are you when you find these animated skeletons? Combining the bones with the emotional image of the office, home, or a relative's home will indicate a facet of life where you feel as though someone or something is "sucking you dry." Interestingly, you may not be afraid of these skeletons and possibly may even enjoy them, intuitively realizing that you are related to them and don't mind being their benefactor. (In spite of the fact that you do not want to end up like them!)

Death scenarios are contrasted to the above by the complete lack of animation. Often, there is more fear associated with the discovery of the bones as well.

Upon discovery, did you know whose bones they were and how they came to be there? These dream discoveries may offer insight into a person (or yourself) who is being symbolically killed by their circumstances. This death may be either emotional or physical.

Secrets, or "skeletons in the closet," is the last scenario. Bones of this nature often appear in very inappropriate situations, but don't often generate much reaction among the dream characters. People know there are bones around, but they are not discussed in the dream. By assessing who is in the dream when the bones are found, insights can be drawn about the relationships and loose ends surrounding the person(s). If you are hiding something in waking life, the skeleton bones may appear in your dream in plain sight of some significant other in your life. The fact that that dream character doesn't seem to notice your "skeletons" is the handiwork of your unconscious protecting you. However, such a dream image may be a warning signal that you either need to be more careful about exposing a vice, or cut it out of your life completely.

Sidewalk

Sidewalk

2009-07-30T01:09:00.002-05:00

SidewalkSidewalks define the path in most neighborhoods. In dreams, the sidewalk often feels more like the yellow-brick road in The Wizard of Oz, intended to help you stay on course. The sidewalk is interesting because it often leads to scenes that would not be found in a neighborhood. Instead, the sidewalk leads to mountains, caves, volcanoes, etc. It often leads the dreamer to the next place in order to move the dream story forward. As nonsensical as this sort of appearance of a sidewalk may seem, it is merely a method that your unconscious mind uses to further the dream story (such as the use of a well-known object or person as a bridge between story elements).

It is important to recognize that dreaming about a sidewalk as a significant symbol of the dream interpretation is rare. More often, the sidewalk is simply part of a common street scene.

Does the sidewalk take you to a place that sidewalks usually don't go?

Is the sidewalk or the street that you are walking along a familiar one or is it just an archetype of a sidewalk?

Siblings

Siblings

2009-07-30T00:47:00.003-05:00

SiblingsDreaming of siblings can be pretty ordinary stuff. If you have brothers and/or sisters in waking life, it would be expected that in dreams of your family, they would be present. The important work of interpretation comes when either your sibling is missing, or if you suddenly acquire siblings in dreamland that do not ordinarily exist in the waking world.

If your real-life sibling is noticeably absent from a dream event, it may reflect your perceptions of your family at large. While either you or your sibling may be at odds with the family, a dream of an incomplete family is a picture of fracture in one or more of the possible relationships.

Sometimes, if you are experiencing particularly strong identification with a co-worker, they will show up in dreams as a newfound sibling. If the dream solution to the new sibling is a comfortable arrangement, this may herald a positive partnership. However, this event can be a little troubling.

In dreams of this nature, you may feel as though the new sibling is burrowing too far into your life and relationships.

Shared Dreams

Shared Dreams

2009-07-27T11:46:00.003-05:00

Shared DreamsThere are two kinds of dreams that fall into this category: mutual and concurrent. In each case, two or more people dream of similar characters and activities. What differentiates them are the means by which the dreams occur. In mutual dreaming, the dreamers intentionally develop a desire to experience a shared dream through incubation. However, in concurrent dreams, the dreamers had no idea their content would be similar going into the night's rest.

Mutual dreaming is an intentional movement toward influencing dream content. This discipline allows dreamers to design psychic meeting grounds for subconscious awareness of one another. This can be a seedbed for finding new facets in a relationship, from the ordinary to the sensual.

It is often quite interesting to get together with your mutual dreamer friend(s) and compare dreams. The best way to do this is for both or all of you to write down what you dreamt about the subject in question, then share the essays.

Concurrent dreams are often discovered by chance. You may be telling a friend about a dream you had, using vivid details, when all of a sudden she reveals that she had the same exact dream. This is a rare and mysterious occasion indeed!

Sex

Sex

2009-07-23T07:48:00.003-05:00

SexDreams of sex and looking for sexual meaning in dreams is something of a pastime for dream interpreters. Often, you don't have to look very far. Sexual content, feelings of love, flirtation, attraction, and nocturnal rendezvous are often very explicit in dreams.

Sexual meaning has long been a first path of inquiry in dream interpretation. This is due, in part, to the significant contributions of Sigmund Freud to the area of dream interpretation. However, interpreting the sexual content of dreams can be difficult. University studies reveal significant differences in how men and women dream about sex. However, when all is said and done, almost everyone is "doing it" in dreamland. How Much? Sex during dreaming is reported as a topic of at least 12% of male dreams and 4% of female dreams. This discrepancy is generally consistent with our waking sex drives, with men doing much more thinking about the topic than women. (It is said that men think about sex far more than 12% of their waking lives, though.) In his book Finding the Meaning in Dreams, G. William Dumhoff reveals some interesting data about the manifestation of sex in dreams:

Gender Men Women
Participating 93% 68%
Watching 7% 32%

This table indicates that women often separate themselves from what is going on in the dream sexually, whereas men see themselves as participants. This can be significant to understanding why it is more common for men-particularly boys-to have orgasms in the dream state than it is for women. It also reveals the conflict that many women feel about the good-girl/bad-girl taboo.

Aside from overt sexual activities in dreams, the question of sexual images and symbols as they occur in dreams is important. Because sexuality is often cloaked in a heavy shroud of secrecy, either through childhood or throughout life, the subconscious is prone to visually represent sex in a variety of ways. Freud, in his theory of the sexually driven personality, contributed much to this line of thought.

Freud did for sexual content in dreams what Henry Ford did for internal combustion. Suddenly everyone, everywhere had dreams of sexual content. Ultimately, this led to Freud's demise in some segments of the intellectual community. Many scholars wonder if Freud was really as pre-occupied with sexual symbolism as he is purported to have been. The following is a partial list of the phallic symbols you may find indexed in a Freudian dream interpretation book:

Aerosol Cans, Antenna, Balloons, Bats, Birds, Boilers, Bottles, Can Openers, Cannons, Cigars, Cars, Chalk, Church Spires, Cords, Cucumbers, Drills, Fishing Poles, Fountains, French Bread, Golf Clubs, Gophers, Guns, Hammers, Hats, Keys, Kites, Knives, Lances, Laser Beams, Moles, Nail Files, Neckties, Needles, Pencils, Pens, Pipes, Pistols, Planes, Plows, Revolvers, Rockets, Ropes, Scalpels, Screwdrivers, Snakes, Spears, Sticks, Swords, Syringes, Tall Buildings, Telescopes, Tractors, Trains, Trees, Tubes, Umbrellas, Water Taps, Woodchucks, Wrenches and Zippers

Not to be left out, women's sexuality was likewise a source of attention and interest for Freud. The following list is far less extensive than the list for male phallic symbols, but almost as diverse:

Bowls, Children, Churches, Closed Rooms, Earth, Fruit, Flowers, Gardens, Houses, Moon, Mounds, Oceans, Ponds, Suitcases, Tunnels, Urns, Vases and Water

Interpreting Sexual Dreams

Interpreting Sexual Dreams

2009-07-23T07:38:00.002-05:00

Interpreting Sexual DreamsSexual dreams are not about sex exclusively. Often they are about how we perceive people and how we think others are perceiving us. To construct a framework for interpreting sexual dreams, it is important to identify who is with us in the dream and how we feel about the experiences being had while dreaming.

Certain dreams are simply romantic. Boy and girl meet in the dream state and find themselves enjoying one another. This scenario commonly involves an attractive acquaintance and a generally pleasing environment. There is no violation of taboo, except for a sense that perhaps things are moving a little fast in the nocturnal relationship. Often, the dreamer has simply acted upon a desire for a relationship with a particular person. Freud's theory of wish-fulfillment is a sufficient explanation.

Other dreams begin to press on the boundaries of our taboos. These include dreams with sexual content the dreamer would consider inappropriate in waking, but participates in during the dream. These dreams can be very troubling. One can wake up feeling as though a rape was committed, a fidelity violated, or that innocence has been stripped away. Dreams of this nature may require some more thorough examination.

Identifying the "who" or "what" that has generated discomfort is an important first step. Was it a boss, co-worker, friend? Someone much older or younger than you with whom you have an affectionate, but platonic relationship? Or was it the nature of the encounter-coerced, cheating, public, or whatever-that is the most distinct feature of the dream? Who was forcing whom? Was it a stranger who reminded you of someone you know? Representation and displacement relationships are often components of sexual dreaming.

Some of these dreams indicate our own ambivalence about taboos. There is, after all, something exciting about what is forbidden. In other cases, we are expressing our own frustration with a sex life that is not satisfying. Still other times, others have violated our boundaries and we respond by perceiving them as taking unmerited favors from us.

In all of these cases, the dreams are worth noting and studying. By looking into what you may find abhorrent at first, you will see aspects of your personality and the relationships around you that have gone mostly unnoticed. Perhaps most importantly, you will become more aware of the various facets of your personality in those relationships.

Separation

Separation

2009-07-22T18:34:00.002-05:00

SeparationSeparation can relate to abandonment, marriage, friendship, career, or geographic upheaval. Many times, the subconscious impulses of personality are less mature in their problem-solving than the conscious, waking self. The function of ego is to filter these impulses so they do not get out into waking life. However, since the ego is turned off in sleeping, the immaturity of the id will have us walking away from our marriages, jobs, friendships, etc. at the drop of a hat.

Being separated is different than being quarantined, abandoned, or quitting in that it is often mutual. In dreams, other characters can be more cooperative, since it is our subconscious that is controlling their actions.

Who or what were you separated from in the dream, and did it seem like a permanent or temporary condition?

Was the separation easily decided, or was it gut-wrenching?

Selling

Selling

2009-07-21T01:49:00.003-05:00

SellingSelling can be presented as your employment, as in selling to others in a retail environment; or it can be more personal, as in selling your possessions. Obviously, if your waking livelihood includes sales, dreams of selling will not be unusual. Unless you sell something particularly sentimental, most of the remarks here will not apply to you.

If you are employed in selling in dreamland, the emotional transaction at work is persuasion. The object you are trying to sell may be ridiculous or an actual consumer item. Depending on which it is, this may reflect whether or not you feel you will ever be persuasive. Your clientele also is important to this dream. Do they have something in common?

Do you see yourself as persuasive in waking life, or do you need to develop those skills more fully? If you are having a yard sale in your dream, you may be trying to creatively solve a financial problem or be feeling burdened by your possessions. If the yard sale has an element of emotional darkness, there may be financial anxiety involved that precipitated the need for downsizing the household. Dreams of this nature often try to show feelings of over extension. Heed them.

If you are selling items of great sentimental value, you may be seeing yourself as divesting from a particular relationship. This can happen at times of transition into adulthood or (desire for) marital separation. Many times, you do not actually perceive the emotional content of the items in your dream the way you would in waking. They are simply "extras" that you no longer wish to carry through life.

The act of selling in a dream, usually, is in the most general terms symbolic of some sort of emotional transaction that may be taking place in life.

Searching

Searching

2009-07-20T04:21:00.002-05:00

SearchingHunting for a misplaced item is frustrating. However, discovery can be a pleasant reward. In dreams about searching, whether the dream ends with or without finding the object is important to its meaning.

If the dream resolves itself, it is important to note what or who you were looking for, and how those things were found. Think about the relationship that exists between the object and who (if anyone) helped you find it. Many times, the thing that is lost in the dream reflects an area of life where we are feeling incomplete or ineffective. Finding it in partnership with others may be a cue to seek outside wisdom in the resolution of the circumstances.

A 48-year-old man reports dreaming: I am looking for my car keys. They are nowhere to be found. I am turning the house upside down, yelling at my wife, and generally coming unglued. My daughter is out, and I begin to blame her. A friend of hers comes in and says I should look in the front door. I do. My keys are there.

This searching dream is interesting because the man reported throughout counseling how anxious he was concerning his daughter's driving. The loss of control he was feeling in his daughter's life consumed much of his emotional energy. After this dream, he realized that much of the home conflict he was experiencing came from his own anxiety more than actual defiance on the part of his daughter. The insight produced from the dream resulted in a much more peaceable home life for everyone involved.

In an unresolved dream of searching, the dream often illustrates the need to find resolution of an emotional trauma. The unresolved search can be for an object or a person.

Some common versions of the person dream include the crying baby that cannot be found, chasing a runaway whom you cannot locate, or receiving a message that cannot be returned. These dreams may occur in periods of extended grieving, such as the death of a loved one.

Another unresolved search scenario is the unfound place or item. For example, you may have a map in a dream that leads to no where. Or perhaps you simply lose an object by setting it on the table. Dreams of this nature can give tremendous insight into the goals of your life and how effectively you are actualizing them. If you are having a lot of these types of dreams, it may be that you need to examine whether your goals and your behavior are consistent or mutually exclusive.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm

2009-07-19T04:50:00.003-05:00

SarcasmDreams are as open to humor as they are to any other part of your personality. Sarcasm is a particularly interesting facet of humor that emphasizes the shortcomings of a person. Consequently, whether you initiate or are the butt of the sarcasm shows something about your place in the dream.

Sometimes, the entire dream falls into this category. The dream is almost a cruel joke played upon you. This may be a dream that sheds light on your relationships or potential in the world. This dream may occur when you are in a situation that could potentially place you in circumstances that are way over your head.

Dream sarcasm often has metaphorical meaning related to waking events and vice-versa. For example, a phrase used by others to torment you may become a central object in the dream that you either worship or loathe.

Sapphire

Sapphire

2009-07-19T04:19:00.003-05:00

SapphireThe sapphire is the crystal of faith, peace, and good fortune. Consequently, dreams of the sapphire relate to receiving or discovering these attributes in your own life. Whether you find the crystals or are given them by another character in the dream is crucial to determining what the dream may mean. If you find the sapphires on your own, you are probably needing to plumb the depths of your soul to find the peace or spiritual insights lacking in your life. If they are given to you by another, it is a sign that some spiritual mentoring, guidance, or direction is needed in your life.

Saints or Sacred Figures

Saints or Sacred Figures

2009-07-17T01:21:00.003-05:00

Saints or Sacred FiguresSaints and other sacred human figures in our dreams often appear as heralds of benevolence or as the "morality police." While many times these are positive dream experiences, the dreams can also leave a feeling that perhaps you are not doing all you can to be an agent of good in the world. The dream may be inspiration to involve yourself in a particular cause through hands-on work or financial donations.

The moral side of the dream is often a judgment on current lifestyle choices. When your psyche is in conflict between the desires of the id and the restraint of the superego, the superego can marshal symbols of judgment to strengthen its position. Often these will arrive under very peculiar circumstances. A dream of sexual desire may suddenly find the object of its desire cloaked in the garb of a priest, pastor, rabbi, policeman, or a particularly strict third-grade teacher you may have had.

If a saintly figure in your dream suddenly turns into a demon of some sort, or begins to resonate emotions that are non-traditional from such a figure, perhaps it is a sign that you need to check your morals concerning a situation in waking life.

Does the saintly figure in your dream appear as a helper or emotional benefactor, or does the character seem to be coming down on you as a law-enforcing authority figure?

Running

Running

2009-07-15T18:05:00.004-05:00

RunningRunning is a traditional symbol of health and vitality in addition to being a means of fleeing potential danger. Thus running could be considered a dream of virility, as well as fear.

Usually, in a dream of running in which fear is the dominant emotion, you will find that you can either run all night and successfully escape the danger (albeit with a serious emotional drain), or you find that you continue to falter and stumble, making the object of your fear even more terrifying. In the latter case, try to relate the dream situation to a situation in your life where you are feeling incredible pressure. Sometimes a simple change of perception can solve the problem.

(See Chased by Animals)

Ruby

Ruby

2009-07-14T02:20:00.003-05:00

RubyDreaming of rubies is often a dream of wealth, power, and energy. The ruby is viewed as the crystal of leadership and kings.

Are you receiving them as a gift, finding them, or stealing them?

Royalty

Royalty

2009-07-13T19:35:00.003-05:00

RoyaltyRoyalty is becoming more of a mixed dream symbol in contemporary dreams. Three hundred years ago, it would have been a universal symbol of wealth and power. However, as we become more aware of the struggles royalty face, it is more common to dream of them in relation to our own daily struggles.

Many times our dreams are a search for persons who can identify with our inner struggles. As royalty divorce, grieve, and grow-up in the public eye, we look to them as symbols to reinforce our own daily crises. Or we dream of them in an effort to attach the splendor of their lives to our normal lives.

Becoming a member of royalty is often a wish-fulfillment dream for wealth. However, if your dream includes an element of returning to the era of monarchy, the dream may also include a desire to assert oneself more powerfully in a particular area of life, whether it be in a financial or emotional realm.

Looking at who serve in your court and in what capacity would be a worthwhile examination.

Entering into the presence of royalty can be another version of the mirroring dream. However, it may also be a judgment dream, if you are holding secrets in your life that undermine your ability to function openly. Nobility often served as the final court of appeals in many nations.

Does a hierarchical society please or repulse your personal sense of social order?

In your waking life, do your conversations include discourse on who is better than or less than others?

Ritual Behavior

Ritual Behavior

2009-07-07T04:04:00.003-05:00

Ritual BehaviorWhen dreaming, you may feel a need to repeat particular actions or behave in an unusual way at times. This is often ritual behavior. In your dream, the behavior is often necessary to avoid or undo some evil act that may occur.

This is a reflection of the work of superstition in your life. If you are by nature superstitious, you may be getting a challenge from your subconscious to let go of a particular compulsion. Or, your superstitions may be receiving validation from your unconscious mind.

In your dream, is the ritual empowering?

As you compare the ritual with your waking behavior, is it comforting or troubling that you participated in it during your dream story?

Rings (jewelry or magic)

Rings (jewelry or magic)

2009-07-05T22:59:00.002-05:00

Rings (jewelry or magic)Rings may be symbols of covenant or commitment, as in marriage. Often rings of this type reflect our deepest desires to make or receive commitment from others or in regard to a particular task.

Rings with magical vibrations may be about acquiring supernatural powers.

Rings of magic drawn on the ground, such as medicine rings or crop circles, may have more to do with protection, as the ring is often the limits to which evil may approach.

In dreams of this nature, you may be anxious that circumstances are pressing too hard upon you and feel that you need an intercessor.

Did you create or find the ring? Do you feel any sense of control over it?

Is there a ring that someone else is using to gain power over you?

Rescuing

Rescuing

2009-07-05T02:55:00.003-05:00

RescuingIn dreams of rescuing, you are either doing the rescuing or are in need of being rescued. If you are doing the rescuing, you likely see yourself as a hero, shepherd, parent, or mentor to others. Who the others are, what you rescue the others from, and by what means often reveal how you see yourself within a particular network of relationships.

If you are the one being rescued, it is likely that you are overwhelmed or feeling incompetent in an important area of your waking life. The consequences of failure could be catastrophic. If your rescuer is someone known to you in waking life, it may be worth seeking his or her advice concerning particular struggles you are facing.

Is the rescue something that was expected, and so did not carry very much anxiety? Was the rescue an against-all-odds type of mission? Did it fail or succeed?

Relatives

Relatives

2009-07-02T00:08:00.002-05:00

Relatives

Relatives are powerful features of both the waking and dreaming worlds. As a consequence, interpreting dreams of relatives is a complex task. There are hundreds of different possible interpretations that originate within the world of the dreamer as well as from classical psychology.

The reason dreams of family are so prevalent is that everyone has a desire to know what "normal" is, and then act that way in the world. Countless times, clients will come to therapy complaining, "I just want a normal family," or "I just want a normal marriage." The definition of this idea comes from our relatives and how well they fit into or detract from our idea of normalcy.

Dreams of family may affirm or undermine "normal" feelings about ourselves. Extended family relations are very significant in developing the family lore and ritual. As you mature and reflect critically on normalcy in your understanding of it, these rituals either affirm or work against the norms of your perspective. Who does what, why and when is often determined by influences in the extended family. The result is that we construct a family story that defines who we are in our family and what our family means in the world around us.

Relative dreams of this type lend themselves to archetypal interpretations that offer insight into how the dreamer sees him or herself in relation to the larger human community represented by the relatives. To interpret dreams of this kind, discern what relatives were in the dream and whether they are still living or dead in waking life. Many times, relatives who have passed away are alive in our dreams. Usually, one of two circumstances exist. Either the activity in the dream reminds you of a ritual aspect of the relationship with this relative, or your relationship with the relative is incomplete. Many times, dreams about relatives are recurring. These can have both prophetic or historic meaning. This is especially true in cases where the central characters are relatives with whom there is either emotional tension or uncertainty concerning their health. If there is emotional tension, the dream may be identifying the source of the tension to create an opportunity to resolve it. If there are particular relatives with precarious health, the dreams may resolve, or warn of, impending deaths in the family.

The place and occasion for the relatives' appearance in the dream are important to the interpretation of it. For example, if only the women in your family appear with you in a dream of an activity that they have historically participated in together, you may see yourself as joining with the family in new ways. There are numerous variations on this dream:

1. Not wanting to join the activity (ambivalence about traditional expectations).

2. Joining a group of exclusively opposite-gendered family members (confusion about fitting into the family on your terms).

3. Joining a group of family members with something unique in common; i.e., all bald, all with cancer, all widowed, all single, etc. (identifying with or having concern over ending up like others whom you chagrin or pity).

While family members are powerful dream icons, their meaning can be quite diverse. Often, free association is the key to discerning their impact on your dreams and the meaning of that influence.

Individual family members, especially fathers and mothers (or representations of them) are often prominent in dreams. For better or for worse, they are primary influences in the shaping of our personalities. This includes how we respond to our environmental stimuli, as well as how we value ourselves and our inner nature.

Consequently, another significant aspect of relative dreams is what these dreams show about how our individual ego development and personality strength have been influenced by individual relatives, for good or ill. Personality strengths and weaknesses often express themselves in alternating generations. For example, in one generation, the father is relentless in expressing anger. In the next generation, anger becomes taboo and inexpressible. In this way, dreams of the individual parent often have a compensatory effect.

Often you will have a dream that includes a particular family member in a very unusual situation for that person (for example: scuba diving with Grandma). Often in this type of dream there will be plenty of other symbols and images that point to the true meaning of what the dream has in store for you.

Rats

Rats

2009-06-30T18:10:00.002-05:00

RatsRats are almost universally despised in the modern world. Their reputation as disease-laden scavengers seems to precede them wherever they go. Some people own rats as pets and will, of course, perceive them differently.

For most people, dreams of rats reveal concerns of becoming destitute scavengers themselves-friendless and outcast. Another potential scenario is that the dreamer feels his or her social security is being gnawed away. In contrast to theft, when all is quickly and dramatically taken, the rats gradually erode their environment.

In your waking life, do you view rats as potential pets or potential predators?

In your dream, are the rats a serious threat to your health or possessions, or are they merely an uncomfortable presence?

Rape

Rape

2009-06-30T17:47:00.003-05:00

RapeDreams of rape are dreams of violence. As a dreamer, you may find yourself as an aggressor, victim, or spectator to the crime. In dreams of this nature, your role and feelings about the others in the event are crucial to understanding the meaning of the dream. If you have recurring dreams of being the victim of rape, you should try to determine if post-traumatic stress is a factor in your dreams.

Being a victim in a non-recurring rape dream usually indicates a message that you are being personally violated, thwarted, or ruthlessly exploited in waking life. In dreams of this nature, the aggressor is a faceless adversary. This could be explained by the fact that people who get close enough to us in life to exploit us often are significant to us in other, more positive ways. The dream is not meant to have an actual aggressor, but simply serve as a warning that you're being overpowered.

Being the aggressor in a rape usually indicates powerful unresolved or unexpressed anger at someone. As with the victim scenario above, the other party to the rape is often faceless. For example, if you harbor anger towards an opposite gender boss, parent, teacher or co-worker, rape dreams may occur. Finding a source of unresolved anger in waking life can provide great insight into the meaning of this dream. Identifying why you are unable to express your anger in waking life will also help.

A 25-year-old woman reports: Even before I became sexually active, I remember having recurrent dreams of men tied down. I would force myself on them sexually. It was always against their will, and according to my power or desire. I never knew them, and often I did not even notice their faces. It is strange to me that I should have such dreams without even knowing what actual sex was like.

This woman had a deeply troubled relationship with her father. Although there was no incest or sexual misconduct, there was little affection either. The woman reports that her relationship with this parent has been very bitter and troubled. However, she notes that as the relationship improved, the dream lessened in frequency.

Observing a rape is often equally troubling. This is because of the powerlessness you feel in relationship to the victim. Many times, there is an intuitive connection with the victim or the aggressor. In either case, the dreamer may be feeling angry or exploited in waking life. The watching is an attempt to dissociate oneself from the trauma of the event. This often allows better recognition of the relationship between aggressor and victim.

Consequently, whatever psychological protection is gained by indirect participation is lost on the more complete awareness of the other characters.

Rain

Rain

2009-06-27T11:16:00.003-05:00

RainWeather in dreams is generally a detail that may be left unanalyzed unless it is particularly noticeable to the dreamer for some reason. Rain is one of these notable exceptions. The reason comes from the relationship between water and fertility that many cultures affirm. In dreams where rain and water-fertility are identified, there is usually an unique feature to the rain. This can be as mundane as a drought that is broken to rain that only falls indoors on one or two particular people.

Does the rain cause you problems of some sort or is it a welcome addition to the scene?.

Quitting

Quitting

2009-06-25T20:06:00.002-05:00

QuittingQuitting is an event that all of us are tempted with at one point in life or another. Whether it is home life, work, or planet earth in general, quitting may feel like the best choice. Virtually everyone has days when selling your possessions and buying a one-way plane ticket somewhere sounds mighty good. However, quitting is rarely about quitting altogether, but rather not wanting to continue under the current circumstances. Quitting is often elective as well. The quitter doesn't want to face the consequences of resigning from life, but rather to avoid the requisite hassles of participating in it.

In dreams, we are often granted the latitude to quit without having to experience consequences. Rather, we can simply eliminate unpleasant facets of life in its troubling condition. This is wonderful, as quitting dreams illuminates our most draining emotional conflicts in waking life.

Many times we quit things in life because we cannot conceptualize solutions to our problems. However, in dreaming, our quitting usually points to the solution to the problem. All of us have what we consider to be feasible and unfeasible solution choices. In dreaming, there are more choices. What you quit from and gravitate toward may be showing you resolution potentials you had not previously considered.

For example, if you dream of quitting your job, what you do next in your dream could be a symbol for a vocational path that holds more reward potential for you. Sipping margaritas on the beach is not very lucrative. However, being a travel agent is a reasonable carrier path.

If you quit your family in a dream, this may be a sign that you need to disengage for a while from significant others. This is not the same as physical separation. Rather, it means that you may need to back away from your usual emotional patterns to find a better modus operandi for relationships.

Quitting life in a "Stop the world, I want to get off" type of statement may indicate that you are tired of trying. This may indicate that either life truly is uncooperative to you or that you need to assess how you address situations in life. It may be that there are self-destructive patterns at work that are undermining your ability to function.

What facet of your waking life is most dissatisfying? Is there a correlation what you quit in your dream?

Quicksand

Quicksand

2009-06-25T18:37:00.003-05:00

Quicksand It is not unusual to feel as though the circumstances of life are pulling on us. Quicksand is unique in that it looks like regular terra firma until it is too late. Moreover, in waking life, the more one struggles against quicksand, the more entrapping in becomes.

In dreaming of quicksand it is important to ask yourself who or what led you into the trap. In addition, as you were sinking in the quicksand, try to recall what you were most worried about. Many times in dreams, what you are most concerned about is not the actual consequences of the quicksand crisis, but other circumstances similar to those you are currently experiencing.

Quartz

Quartz

2009-06-25T17:42:00.003-05:00

QuartzThis particular stone is often described as having a harmonization effect. Dreams of it may reflect a desire for or acquisition of harmony with the world.

Pyramids

Pyramids

2009-06-24T01:58:00.004-05:00

PyramidsPyramids are structures of mystery and power. Traditionally, they have been ascribed with human and universal powers..A pyramid may also appear as a phallic symbol; or as a symbol of virility, creativity, or the ability to solve problems. They may also appear as an invitation to the exotic.

Do you enter the interior of the pyramid, climb the outside of the structure, or walk around it without coming close?

Who are you with when you experience such a powerful object, and what is your relation to that person or persons?

Public Speaking

Public Speaking

2009-06-24T01:22:00.003-05:00

Public SpeakingPublic speaking is the number one fear of the majority of adults-it even ranks higher than death! The result is that dreams of this sort are common. Rarely are they nightmares, but rather dreams of scrutiny and overcoming. Often the occasion of the speaking or the audience members will suggest something to you about an area of your life where people are looking too closely for your comfort.

Another version of this is the public speaking dream where the topic or attire is totally inappropriate for the dreamer's context. This dream is similar to the nudity dream in that exposure and inadequacy are themes in the dream. The dream may be an attempt to expose a weakness that you are covering up.

Was the nature of your public appearance absurd, or did it somehow fit logically with your waking life?

Did you feel a sense of high anxiety during the situation, or were you calm and forthright?

Pregnancy

Pregnancy

2009-06-23T23:51:00.001-05:00

PregnancyPregnancy has two points of entry into our dream lives. The first is dreaming of oneself as being pregnant. The second is that you actually become pregnant in waking life and that trigger event creates this particular dream content.

In dreams, anyone can get pregnant. It is not an experience that is limited by gender or age. Generally, it is a herald of creativity, virility, or wealth. However, there are numerous underlying themes that need additional interpretation.

If you are a younger woman who dreams of getting pregnant, but has no waking intention of doing so, it is likely that you are working through an archetypal transition into a new self-awareness. One of Jung's archetypes is the archetype of parenting or preserving the species. To see oneself engaged in such activity is to grow from being a child to identifying more prominently with adults.

.If you are sexually active, but without the intention for pregnancy, your dreams of pregnancy may occur in harmony with your monthly cycle. In these dreams, there may be a certain amount of "what-if" anxiety that needs resolution.

A man who dreams of being pregnant himself is often in a situation where his virility or creative participation in the world is in question. This occurs most among men who see themselves as less creative than they would like to be. The dream serves as a form of compensation to illuminate the more creative facets of their personality. Men who are pregnant do not give birth exclusively to children, but a wide range of objects that somehow support their mission in the world.

Becoming pregnant in waking life can conjure a huge variety of dream events. These range from the violent to the hilarious and almost everything in between. Since pregnancy conjures a wide variety of feelings in waking life, from euphoria to tremendous anxiety, this is not too surprising.

Other dreams that are prevalent during pregnancy include dreams of marital infidelity, death of the partner, chronic health problems, birth defects in the child, losing the pregnancy through accident or miscarriage, having twins or multiples, and dreams of heightened fertility where additional conceptions and gestations occur frequently or despite prevention.

Infidelity and death of the partner dreams often are played out in response to feelings of insecurity do to appearance changes or changes in sexual relationships during pregnancy. Dreams of chronic health problems and birth defects represent negative wish-fulfillment anxiety on the part of the woman.

Dreams of multiple-order birth and repeated gestation are the most complex dreams. Often times, pregnancy is overwhelming at some level for the woman. These feelings most often stem from fear to adequately mother. The onslaught of pregnancies may be a visual representation of this anxiety.

Power Relationships and Figures

Power Relationships and Figures

2009-06-22T21:06:00.003-05:00

Power Relationships and FiguresIn dreams, one of the central interpretive concerns is the relationship between the dreamer and other dream characters. Usually, the relative power of the dreamer to others is important to understanding the meaning of other dream exchanges. Dreams of police, military figures, possessing supernatural powers, weapons, money, or special knowledge are all dreams of power. The question is, does the power reside with the dreamer or with others in the dream?

If the power resides with you as the dreamer, there are probably feelings of competence, success, and conquest (especially romantic) prevalent in your life right now, or else you are hoping for them. People over whom you assert power may represent a facet of your life that feels out of control.

This relationship becomes particularly complex in dream interpretation if you are leading others in a non-coercive way. Power is not just making others do what you want, but being able to influence cooperation through more subtle means. You may lead injured people, dead people who appear as living in your dreams, or others who are afflicted with some loss of sensory ability.

If the power is exerted by others on you, reference the entry on vulnerability for more insight.

Pool

Pool

2009-06-21T15:22:00.003-05:00

Pool

Swimming in or lying beside a pool is the ultimate wish-fulfillment dream for many people. The rest and relaxation of sunning outside is a wonderful invitation. However, depending on who is in the pool, you may be missing out somewhere in waking life.

Evaluating this message depends on who is in the pool and what they have in common with people in your waking life. Perhaps you need to be less of a watcher and more of a joiner.

Do you feel as though you should be "part of the action" instead of on the side, sunning yourself?

If the water seems somewhat unwelcoming, there may be underlying feelings that the pool represents something you are being lured into against your will. In this case, the occupants of the pool may be people whom you generally trust, but also have some misgivings about.

Politics

Politics

2009-06-21T15:04:00.003-05:00

PoliticsPolitics and political posturing are part of our everyday lives. From office politics to national politics, we are threatened by the coercion of others, as well as encouraged by the prospect of their accolades. Being in a political dream may indicate that you feel you are having to bargain for attention, moral choices, or the affirmation of others.

You may also see yourself in competition with those around you for a limited supply of money or emotional affirmation. Did you or someone else initiate the particular politics of the dream?

Politicians