Friday, February 05, 2016

Cooter and Gomer

Cooter and Gomer…

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly…

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,

Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.  You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup,
he's pretty well burnt up…
Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer
said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'
'What? He had two as-holes?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Bubba with them two as-holes.'

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Fred the Biker

Fred the Biker

A cop stopped a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asked the biker his name.

'Fred,' the biker replied.
'Fred what?' the officer asked.
'Just Fred,' the man responded.

The officer was in a good mood and thought he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then pressed him for the last name.

The man told him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thought that he had a nut case on his hands but played along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replied, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.' After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.' 'Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

‘Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD.

‘Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

‘Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!  
Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat
a really bad place to pick up a woman?  
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when
a woman is about to say something smart?  
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
How do you fix a woman's watch?  
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------------

 Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.  
It's called a Wedding Cake.      

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men

until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and

to the select few women who can handle it!  

AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'...


Four Worms and a lesson to be learned